It seems like ages since I’ve posted here, probably because it has been. Between holiday madness, a new obsession with knitting (shut up, I’m an edgy knitter ok?), and a fantastic, long-lasting fibro flare up I’ve hardly had the time or energy to be my usually snarky self. Something else I’ve discovered is that when things are going well I have far less to be sarcastic about and am therefore less inspired to write.
Sometime around the beginning of November things started to make a shift for me, romantically anyway. About a year and a half ago I started a friendship with an old friend of my now ex who lives in the Tulsa, Oklahoma area. (I’m in Arizona.) We texted and Facebooked, but she is a flirt and made my then girlfriend mad so we stopped talking for awhile. She got a girlfriend of her own not long afterward and so the ex made peace and we were able to talk now and then without making waves. When things with the ex started to get bad, she was a good supporter without over-stepping any boundaries, and when I moved out of Hell House she continued to be a loyal friend. In October, her girlfriend headed off to London (yes England, the wanker) to be with some woman she’d met on the internet. Suddenly we’re both single at the same time and through mutual commiseration a budding romance sprang up.
The funny thing about accidental romance is that since you weren’t planning on it going anywhere you don’t bother to hide all the weird, yucky stuff that you normally avoid showing at all costs when you’re trying to court someone. (Yeah, yeah. I like old words. So there.) This has led to a far more honest relationship much earlier than you would normally get there and without the usual fight(s) or tears. I don't remember the last time I had a relationship that started out as simple friendship. It almost always starts with romantic intentions from the beginning which sets up all kinds of annoying expectations.
Now ordinarily I hate long distance relationships for about a zillion reasons, primarily the fact that you can’t actually see how someone behaves. You get little pieces of time together where you’re both on your best romantical behavior, (yes I also like making up my own words. Perhaps there will be a Butch/Femme Project dictionary in years to come with all my glorious wordaliciousness) while you visit for a week or a weekend, but in between, all you have is what they tell you via text or through those looooong late night phone calls. And you can say whatever you want then. You can tell stories about your high school glory days and pretend they still apply even though you’re in your mid-thirties and the only thing that’s still relevant about high school is that you still have a teenage mentality of angst and victimhood. Or how you live with your ex but you're just roommates now, even though someone forgot to tell the "ex" that. It takes a long time to get to know the real person when that's all you have.
Enter technology. *insert fanfare here* Now with the fabulous invention of Skype I can spend every evening chatting with my girl, or watching movies, playing a game together or any number of other things that weren't possible before. There's still the potential for the information blinders, but with the webcam it's like having a little window into her life. I can see how she acts with people she lives with, which tells a lot about a person let me tell ya. And it's kind of like dating Victorian style. You can spend time together, but there's no touching and there's almost always a chaperone tromping in and out of the picture.
I'm hoping that between the unique start, slow grow, and a hand from modern technology this might turn out to be something really special. If not, I'll at least be able to knit a parachute to escape with before we crash and burn.
© Sarah Ultis 2012
