A Momentary Departure

*WARNING: This will not be the usual relationship drama that you are accustomed to. It may, in fact, be a complete and spectacular train wreck. Read at your own risk.*

A couple of days ago, I made the mistake of posting an article on Facebook regarding religion and the hypocrisy often involved with that. Chaos then ensued. (My cousin calls it "good discussion" and really she's probably right, but I hate arguing so it felt like chaos to me.)

I know, I know. Please refrain from bludgeoning me with blunt objects. Anyone with half a brain knows you never, ever talk about religion or politics in a public setting if you don’t want to start a war, and it’s rare for me to bring it up because I consider my beliefs private. I don’t want to debate them, I don’t want you to tell me why you think I’m wrong or why your beliefs are more right. Each of us believes what we feel is right and I would almost guarantee that no one ever changed their mind from having one of those kinds of debates.

Anyway, the title of the article was “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay." (Read it if you choose, but don't come scream at me until you hear me out.) The author uses Christianity as his primary example, and he gets a little caught up in the passion of the ramble, but his main point is that every group has extremists, and every person has judged someone for being different than we think they should be. I can’t imagine a single person in the world who wouldn’t stand up and say that they believe we should be kind and loving toward our fellow human beings, and yet all of us have had a moment or two when we have not behaved in a loving or kind way because we didn’t approve of something someone else was doing. If you say you haven’t, I’ll call you a liar.

It happens. We’re human. Part of being human is being flawed. The problem is that there are people who use their beliefs to justify hate and harm, and while they are often the smallest part of any group they are also generally the loudest. There are some amazing people out there from every faith and walk of life who quietly and tirelessly work to be the best people they possibly can be. They touch lives every day with love, acceptance, and the calm expression of the things they value, and they never make the evening news because they aren’t holding signs that say “God hates fags” or blowing things up. My grandmother was one of those people.

For all the years that I knew her, my Gram had this kind of quiet peace to her. No matter what insanity was raging around her, she had this serenity that would just wash over me every moment I was with her, and no matter who I was with or what I was doing she always just welcomed and loved me. When I would talk with her about some drama I was having she would share with me her faith and means of coping with crisis in her life. She never pushed, made me feel that my way of doing things was wrong, or left me feeling that she was judging me. She'd just say "Well, whenever I've felt like that I always pray, and then I feel better. Sometimes I have to pray more than once, but I just keep doing it." If I recall correctly, she and my grandpa were married more than 50 years by the time she passed away, and I asked her once how she'd managed to stay married that long. Her answer was the same. She said "Well your grandpa doesn't like to talk too much, so when he wouldn't talk to me, I'd talk to God." She fought leukemia for much of the last part of her life, and most of us never knew until near the end. When the doctor finally told her it was time to make some arrangements, she spent more time comforting the people she would leave behind than she did worrying about herself, and when she passed away, she went with a joy and peace that I'd never seen before because she had faith that she was going home. Her passing left a gaping hole in my life and the lives of so many others that she touched. There are a lot of things I've lost faith in over the years but I always believed in her because she always believed in me, no matter what. And she prayed. A lot. Rest in peace Gram. I miss you every single day.

It is those people who can change what people think because they live it and share their inspiration with love and acceptance rather than hate and judgment. They provide an example of what a life lived in love really looks like. The people who scream and wave their signs proclaiming their disgust with the world only serve to close minds and hearts to any message they may be trying to send. So what I'm saying is this: If you want to change the world, do it with love. If you want the world to hear your message, share it with joy. And if you want to make a difference, make it one person at a time, through the example of your life, and not the paint on your sign.

*We now return you to your regularly scheduled relationship rant.*

© Sarah Ultis 2011

“The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.”
― Mother Teresa