There's No Crying in Baseball

In the late 1990’s, a compelling movie called “Courage Under Fire” was released. This movie starred Meg Ryan as a med evac helicopter pilot and crew captain who is shot down and eventually killed in combat. An investigation ensues as to whether she should be awarded a medal of honor. There’s a great scene in this movie where she and her all-male crew are huddled in a bunker over night waiting for rescue. An antagonistic crew member notices that she has tears in her eyes and begins to make fun of her, saying “Are you crying? Hey look everybody! The captain’s crying.” She looks him in the eye and says “It’s just tension asshole. It don't mean shit.” I love this line because somewhere in the course of the development of American culture we decided that displays of emotion such as fear, sadness, loss, or anything involving tears were weak and therefore only worthy of women who are the “weaker” sex, and certainly not allowable from anyone in authority. I have discovered over the years that many women ascribe to this same philosophy, especially women of the “butch” persuasion.

Just so we’re clear, “butch” to me isn’t just a more masculine manner of dressing. Butch includes a certain attitude, and behaviors that we would normally attribute to stereotypical football-watching, beer-chugging, crotch-grabbing, straight men. Among these behaviors is the belief that displays of emotion other than happiness or anger are weak and therefore should be avoided at all costs. I say all this with a smile because I adore butch women in all their glory, however I find it ironic that the traits we tout as strengths can actually make us weaker and less connected in our relationships and those we perceive as weaknesses can actually provide us with great strength and support.

Now I’m not saying we should all dissolve into tears at every possible opportunity, but I think that mature expressions of honest emotions within the context of close personal relationships are not only healthy but vital for the growth of the relationship as well. It is risky to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and display those types of “forbidden” emotions. I am well aware of how painful it can be to have those feelings ridiculed or rejected outright by someone I care about. As a result I believe it takes more strength and courage to open ourselves up and take that risk than it does to bottle everything up and pretend to feel nothing. If we don’t express our fear, or desire, or need, we deny ourselves the possibility of a deeper, more fulfilling relationship, and we deny our partners the chance to demonstrate their own emotions. If we decide our partners are not capable of handling our feelings or supporting us without allowing them the chance to decide for themselves we have done them and ourselves a great injustice. So let’s rethink our ideas on emotional expression, stop hiding our fears and tears, and start recognizing them for the act of courage they truly are.

But there’s still “no crying in baseball.”*
*Tom Hanks – A League of Their Own

© Sarah Ultis 2011